There are several things that have been nagging me for a while now and things seem to have come to a bit of a standstill with me so I think I need to address them.They circle about why I choose the projects I do, what motivates me, why do I have so very many unfinished (or planned and unbegun) projects, on to bigger issues such as what do I value (and why) and how do I want to spend my time (and why). I’m trying to tackle it one "why" at a time. (of course it's all a bit more snarled up than that!)
I’m not generally an introspective sort of person and I’m finding this hard to sort out in my head and that’s partly why I’m writing it all out here. The other reason is I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this. Things often get into a swirl in my head and one comment from someone else can really help sort it all out.
I'm going to include some images of antiques I purchased over the holidays to help break up what feels somewhat like a long whinge. (They are, top to bottom, antique ribbons, a lilac dresser scarf, a pink antique ribbon with a small piece of Teneriffe lace and a small piece of crochet on it, and part of a long band of exquisite Hardanger that I think may have been part of a sleeve.)Some of this long post is part of Sharon B’s legacy from the TIF project year. The last challenge, which I haven’t completed, is on the concept of generosity. For many of us, especially at the holiday season, this includes gift giving. I’ve thought a lot about giving (and receiving). I try to be generous and I have a lot of wonderful examples out there to follow. It led me to thinking about giving handmade gifts, which I always try to give. Perhaps that’s not a good thing.
It struck me over the holidays that I don’t truly value what I make to give (not outwardly-I personally value it but I don’t behave as though I do), especially the things I make for others in my family. I realized that when I give a handmade gift, I also give a "real" gift like a book, cd, or dvd. I don’t quite feel that what I make is "enough."
One main concept regarding gifts that I keep coming back to is: Am I making the gift more for the recipient or more for me? I really like stitching, creating, making, trying new things. I feel I’m often giving gifts that are what I want to make-and not necessarily what the recipient might want to recieve. On the other side of this coin, making things that I’m not interested in just doesn’t work (witness some of those ufos).
I’ve been making my holiday gifts since at least the 1960s, so my family has had to put up with a lot for a long time. At one point my mom cautioned me "no more pillows." My nonbracelet-wearing sister owns a bunch of bracelets, because I really like making bracelets. My family tends on the whole to really understand and appreciate handmade gifts-we all do make and give them and always have. And I think I'm the only one who feels this need to supplement the handmade gifts with something else.
I must add in my defense I don’t go at it entirely willy-nilly. I do try to select things the recipient is likely to like and I don’t give things like a teacozy to a nontea drinker. (I used to not be quite so aware and I have improved on that front.) But, still, there’s a long span of years here and how many hats or scarves or bracelets or pillows can one person use? (We’re also not a throw-away family, things tend to last with us.)
So, in case I’ve chosen to make something the recipient might not be thrilled with or need, I give them another gift so they’ll still have a "real" gift to make up for it. And I get the enjoyment of making and giving things to them. I think I’m straight with that--it’a a choice I make.
I realized this year, though, that I’ve lost balance and am overcompensating. (Here, have this dvd for putting up with me giving you this felt doll.) Even when I’m sure the gift is something the recipient will really like, I still feel compelled to add on that other gift. And I think it’s not a good thing. The work of my hands and spirit is worth more than that.
I’m not sure what I want to do about this issue, other than be aware of what I’m chosing to do instead of compulsively buying-and compulsively making. Giving something I’ve made is important to me but perhaps I need to find other ways to show caring. Perhaps I need to take me out of the equation more and limit the gifts to those that fill both needs: what the recipient would like and what I would be interested in doing.
